After premiering in 1999 it has won several Emmy and Annie awards and been renewed pushing close to 20 seasons. Its special brand of humor has endeared to audiences who’ve made it into a cult classic. And if you know anything about Seth’s interest in musical numbers, well… there’s a lotta musical numbers in this show. For this post I’m ranking the best songs from every episode, and hopefully you’d recognize all of them. Sing along and reminisce as we go through our 20 favorite songs from Family Guy.
20. Butter on a Pop-Tart
The episode “In Harmony’s Way” features many musical pieces performed by both Peter and Quagmire, who’ve realized they can hit a note in a harmony and decide to become a musical duo. You can guess how it works out. Butter on a Pop-Tart, however, has gone on to become one of the most memorable songs from that episode. The lyrics aren’t especially funny but it did open our eyes to the wonders of buttered-up pop-tarts. And it’s quite catchy.
19. I Need a Jew
I have a general rule of thumb when it comes to comedy: If it got people in trouble, it was probably very funny. That’s the case with this song, sung by Peter when he tries to do his taxes and realizes that he will most definitely need a Jew to help him out. Although clearly humoriously offensive in nature, that’s not what got the show sued(yes, sued!) Rather it was their use of the Wish Upon a Star melody sung to tell this joke. Luckily painting the show’s staff as racists was not enough to win a trial and they were able to slip by unscathed.
18. My Drunken Irish Dad
Another song that uses stereotypes is My Drunken Irish Dad. After Peter finds out his real father is a village drunkard in Ireland, he goes out to meet him and ends up challenging him to a drinking game at Wifey McBeaty’s Pub. He wins both the game and his father’s respect, effectively bonding over their evident alcoholism. It turns out they have a lot in common! Then they break out in song, making fun of Irish names, traditions, and stereotypes to the point where a brawl breaks out. Because, well, that’s the most Irish thing to do.
17. Mr. Booze
Based on a musical number with more or less the same concept from the film Robin and The 7 Hoods, this song is all about fooling the police into thinking you’re definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, not messing with Mr. Booze. I guess they did a great job of it. This version is sung by a bunch of people from Alcoholics Anonymous after Peter has destroyed their 12 Step Program progress and gotten them drunk. It’s just an incredibly over-the-top way to draw attention away from their whiskey breath. And making fun of something like alcoholism is business as usual for Family Guy.
16. Down Syndrome Girl Song
Speaking of making fun of something serious… yeah. The Down Syndrome Girl Song is one of the most outrageously-titled in the list, and I’m sure a lot of people lost their minds when they heard it for the first time. That said, the song itself is just Stewie roasting Chris about how much of a lazy and smelly slob he is while he helps him get ready to go out and seduce his Down Syndrome sweetheart.
15. Can’t Touch Me
Many shows have done parodies of MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This”. But few are as funny as Peter Griffin’s rendition. After declaring independence as Petoria, a country comprised solely of his house’s land, he’s officially recognized by the US and acquires diplomatic immunity. He gets everyone to dance and do wacky moves while destroying the town without a care in the world because I guess the police can’t touch him! It’s a very funny moment in the episode and the whole musical montage is just a pleasure to watch.
14. Bird Is the Word
This might be the most annoying song in the whole show after “I’m a Tumor”, and the repetitive annoyance is much of what the joke is about. After hearing his favorite song from when he was young(The Trashmen’s “Surfin’ Bird”) Peter decides everyone in town has to know that “bird is the word”.
13. Cowboy Butt Sex (Sodomy)
Moving on to something that is funny by itself, we have the best song to sing with your family around a campfire. Why is it funny, you ask? Oh, come on, this is Family Guy. It’s gay! With cowboys! What other explanation could you possibly need?
12. Gotta Give up the Toad
In a rare example of Peter Griffin doing something inherently good for the community, he infiltrates Meg and Chris’ high school and pretends to be a cool kid just to he can convince them to stop getting high from licking toads. When he finally gets the chance he convinces everyone through a musical number where he lists all of the nasty side effects of toad-licking, like losing control of your sphincters and eventually dying. Some is true, some is not, but everything he says is 100% funny as hell.
11. It’s a Wonderful Day For Pie
During a tour around several universes Brian and Stewie end up in a dimension where everything is Disney-animated. After poking fun at the media giant’s classic style through an over-the-top song about how it’s a wonderful day for pie, the joke reaches its climax when Mort walks into the shot and, well… let’s just not forget Walt Disney’s history here.
10. Shipoopi
Shipoopi isn’t an original Family Guy song. It isn’t even related to anything that’s gone on in the whole episode. But after Peter gets told over and over again by his football team to stop being such a show-off after scoring a touch down, you can’t help but laugh at the spectacular way he completely ignores the request by making everyone take part in the biggest musical number the show had done to date. Shipoopi!
9. Vasectomy
After Peter shows his lack of understanding of what a vasectomy entails, a barbershop quartet sings a song filled with jokes about diminished masculinity, sexual harassment, and an array of other concepts that might cross a man’s thoughts when discussing such a procedure. Oh, barbershop quartets. They can make anything better, or at the very least they can make it funnier.
8. Iraq Lobster
This unique song might be one of the catchiest in the series. It’s based on the song Rock Lobster which was sung in another episode, but this rendition takes it to new heights given its simple yet clever lyrics.
7. Thank The Whites
What’s the best way of convincing your African-American neighbor that your white son dating his daughter is nothing to be worried about? Well, you remind him of everything the white man has given the world, of course! Eminem, Justin Bieber, soccer moms in yoga pants… they’ve basically covered it all in this musical number.
6. You Have The AIDS
As I said before, barbershop quartets can make anything funnier… even AIDS. And I don’t mean HIV, I mean full-blown AIDS! These guys are most definitely the best way to deliver bad news and this is a method I’m tempted to employ myself, albeit not with such an… extreme matter.
5. Christmastime is Killing Us
The fifth song in our ranking was actually nominated for a Grammy award. An overpopulated world has given Santa and his helpers way too much work. This turns them from happy-go-lucky people into depressed beings that finish the song by hanging themselves while Santa dies of miscellaneous causes. Talk about alienating work.
4. Prom Night Dumpster Baby
Sometimes being outrageous is enough to make something hilarious. Take this musical number performed by several newborn babies, dumped in dumpsters on prom night, singing in quite a classy deep tone. They’re so fresh, they even have their umbilical cords still attached to swing around like a cane as they sing. I sincerely hope nobody found this song relatable, but I know deep in my heart some people did.
3. The Freaking FCC
One of the most currently relevant songs in the list is this ode to anti-censorship and free speech, even if it means being crass, rude and generally offensive. Family Guy has had several run-ins with the FCC and they took this chance to bring the ridiculousness of it all under the spotlight, while also trying to include as many offensive clips from the show as they possibly could into the musical montage. Way to stick it to the Man from a national network.
2. Bag of Weed
Another politically-charged tune was written for the show’s 420th episode. What better way to promote the legalization of MJ than bringing in a marching band, playing a xylophone made of bongs and giving everyone a bag of weed? As Brian and Stewie eloquently propose, it’s better than meth and speed, for sure. Among the funniest things about the song is the fact that it’s a dog and a baby who are striving to legalize it, as they’re about the only individuals who could be harmed from consuming pot.
1. All I Really Want for Christmas
The very best and funniest song of them all, however, is this cheery tune about what the people of Quahog want for Christmas. It’s not offensive, and it’s hardly controversial, but it does shine the spotlight on the intense consumerism and greed of American society while sprinkling some of the most hilarious bits of comedy all over it. Whether you want Jessica Biel and Megan Fox wearing nothing but socks, or vacations in Mexico with some carnal delights, there’s no doubt you’ll appreciate the special kind of Christmas spirit that only Family Guy can provide.
